MY WRITING

My Final Farewell

David John Halliday

OK, so this will be my final post. I started this blog with a quote from the Joker – for those who didn’t see it click here. Go back to it and relive the whole blog again if you fancy but for me this is the end so I thought it was appropriate to end referencing a film as well. Then I decided to take it furthur and recreate a scene from a film which would incorporate my final goodbye. Before I officially leave this blog site though, and leave it to my tutors to feast on and give me a final mark, I want to say a few thank yous. I want to thank family and friends for their support during my degree and they know who they are. I want to thank my tutors; especailly Donald Pulford with his help during the module. I want to thank everyone who came and saw the finished piece. Finally, I want to thank you the reader, everyone who has come and read bits and commented. In the video is my final farewell and I hope you enjoy it. TRAH!

 (Styled on Bilbo Baggins farewell)

After Show Talk

David John Halliday

Now, usually after a performance assessment the tutors marking take you somewhere private and ask questions for you to justify the things you did in your piece. This time, however, they didn’t do that as this blog is meant to be the area where you show the work you’ve put in so I thought I’d do my own after show talk based on some of the questions people asked me.

Why was the stage laid out as it was?

I arranged the space as it was so everything was mirrored; I set up the two chairs I performed in on a diagonal, directly across from each other so the audience would understand that each side was only one side of the conversation. I, hopefully, made this clear by having an audience member sit in one chair while I sat in the other and had a conversation with them – although I took the pressure off the audience member by having only me speaking and being interrupted by train announcements as though we were in a train station (that was based on a real event with a friend). I set the audience up on both sides so each side would have a different view of each section of the stage I was in and in a similar way they were on one side of the conversation.

I couldn’t get into the characters because the segments were too fast, why did you do it like that?

That was kind of the point as the performance was about life being too fast and filling it with rubbish, so we need to take more time just to relax and enjoy it. PLus, I only had ten minutes to fill and wanted a get a range of conversations in to highlight how much stuff people fill their lives with. If it was a longer performance these section may have been longer.

What led you to this idea?

My first idea was to do something more Brechtian and surreal; more play time as a child. At the start of the module I was just discussing the idea with my friend over coffee and I was getting worked up about if people would get it, enjoy it, bother to come etc and I just thought I should do my piece on this; how we panic about things and I thought I could highlight that through conversations. This came from the thought that my friend and I were discussing on how we can sit in silence together and it isn’t awkward though we know some people who just have to have constant noise; music or talking etc because they don’t want to be alone or in silence. I thought more about this and thought of when you get in a taxi or hairdressers you usually have to talk you can’t sit silently or it feels weird so that what I wrote about.

Where did you get the conversations from?

All the conversations in the piece were ones I had been involved in, or at least based on ones I’d been involved in. There was only one that I haven’t been in that was the doctor/patient one (start and end of the piece), where the doctors saying something is terminal and the patient is upset and doesn’t know what to say. I think it’s a conversation we all fear though so I used it to highlight the need to seize the day. The other segments, I sat in a taxi and ended up talking about a football game I never saw which is the second conversation of the piece and I used a sign to say this is the sort of thing people used whenever waiting for a service of some kind – whether taxi or whatever. The third, with an audience member was based on a conversation my friend and I had in Kings Cross while waiting for a train home when he asked me a question and I kept being interrupted by the announcements. It was rediculous! The hairdressers which was the fourth conversation and where I used another audience member is based on all the times I’ve been to the hairdressers and they ask about the weather etc. I have had the same hairdresser for a number of years and I discussed this with her and she said it is basic training to talk to people which is why I staged it in a ‘training seminar’. I also went to a new hairdressers in Lincoln to get some ideas on how a different hairdresser would treat me and they didn’t speak through out the whole cut. It was horrible!

Were you happy with the performance?

I was happy in the sense that it went well and I didn’t do anything wrong. I think it could have looked a bit sharper and cleaner. I think that I was a bit too safe with my idea though, this is why I have some disappointment, I could of stuck to my more surreal idea and done something much more riskier. I have to wait for the marks back though to decide how happy I was with it.

How could you develop this piece?

I could extend it with more conversation and audience interaction. It could simply be a performance that loops and people could watch as they walk around an exhibtion or something. I like the looping idea more because the first character is replying to the last one so that looks good. When considering it I could of repeated the first speech at the end as well just to make it clear to the audience the two characters were talking to each other.

Do you think the audience understood the performance?

I hope the audience understood it; some of the people I spoke to got the point. I even made programmes to help explain it to the audience more. I don’t think it was a difficult concept for them to get.

Is there anything you would change?

I wouldn’t change anything of the piece; I would only come up with a completely new idea. I think this indicates that I was happier with it than I thought.

Any other comments?

I just hope people enjoyed the performance and could take something away with them. I hate doing student productions as the audience never seems to want to react, they’re either over analysing parts or trying to stay silent as not to put you off because it’s an assessment. I was hoping for some more laughter and when you don’t get a reaction you expect it unnerves you more than people reacting. I don’t think it put me off though and I only got good feedback from people.

If anyone has any other questions about my performance please just comment them below and I will reply to them. Please be aware that this blog will not be active after Friday 18th May so any comments after then won’t be read.

The Script

David John Halliday

Now my performance is over I can officially post the script up so you can compare the changes to the original without giving it all away. If you want to just watch a video of my performance than you can click here. If you are just reading the script then I’m sure you’ll want to understand what the tracks are; well because I am a nice person I’ve made two videos which explains them that you can find here. As usual enjoy and comment!

 

Stage is set up with two rectangles on the floor, each with a chair in that faces towards the other. By each chair is a sign which reads, “Life is full of talk”; Preset – both sections of the stage are dimly lit and two spotlights highlight the signs as the audience enter. Once the audience are seated  a VOICEOVER comes up 

TRACK ONE

V/O out and Lights fade out on section two and come up on one.

MAN: (upset, heavy breaths as though trying to control himself before he begins)

I don’t know what to say…

(laughs sadly) sorry…

It’s not fair… I mean…

(pause and he sighs)

Can’t we…? I just…

I don’t know what to say…

LXQ Lights cross fade to the next section: Actor enters space holding a sign that reads “Scene One: Typical conversation with your hairdresser, taxi driver, maintenance man, landlord, boss, teacher, gynaecologist, and so on!”

MAN: (pause) lovely weather we’re having… (pause) have you been busy today? (pause) Did you watch the football last night (Actor holds up sign that reads, “I never watch football I hate it) Yeah, it was an alright job wasn’t. What time you think you’ll finish today then?

SQ – Sounds of a telephone waiting line comes up, repeated promises of how your call is important. TRACK 2

LXQ – both sides of stage are lit.

 Actor prepares space and finds a member of the audience to come and sit across from him, he allows them to pick a question to ask and explains what will happen.

SQ – Previous sound out to be replaced by a track from a train station, the audience member asks the question and the actor tries to respond but keeps being interrupted by announcements. TRACK 3

LXQ – before the track ends the lights on section two fade and the audience member returns to their seat.

SQ – another track begins while the actor prepares the stage, it’s a voiceover from God, and could sound like this: TRACK 4

 

 Actor is now prepared and dressed as a woman, he holds up another sign which read: “Scene Two: A Speaker in Training”

HAIRDRESSER: You don’t mind if our Tracey watches does ya? She’s training!

Alright, grand, well Tracey we taught you must the cuts – men like it shaved, women prefer it long – but today we’re gona do some customer relations training. Coz it’s alright being an amazing cutter but you gotta have people skills. Ain’t that right?

Now first thing ya do is ask what they want today…

CUP TEA? COFFEE? No?

Then we play with the hair while they tell us what they want, but Darling here’s been coming to me for ages so I know what we’re doing. Usual is it? Yeh….

Now clients come to feel relaxed, its part of the service and conversation – talking helps them relaxed, Don’t it! Don’t it! So you gotta keep ‘em talking.

The weathers a good topic… NICE OUT AINT IT?! NICE OUT AINT IT?!

Or ask ‘em about holidays, coz sometimes there here preparing like… WHERE YOU GOING!? WHERE YOU GOING!?

You can ask ‘em about pets… GOT A DOG

 Or anything… here you have a go.

SQ – Track plays, a bombardment of hairdressers questions TRACK 5

LXQ – lights cross fade back to section one as lights in section two go out.

Actor becomes DOCTOR and sits in chair

DOCTOR: I’m sorry, as I said when we first discovered this it is very aggressive and I’m afraid at this point there’s nothing more we can do apart from making sure you’re comfortable.

(Pause)

I’m afraid it is terminal.

(Pause) Here, please, have a tissue.

(Pause) Is there anything I can… Can I call somebody for you?

 TRACK 6

Song: You Talk Too Much by Joe Jones comes up, Lights fade in section one to become dimmed but not out, section twos light come up to match section one. Spotlights come up on two signs by the chairs; the performer goes to them and turns them round so they now read “Do You Truly Listen?” The lights stay for a few seconds and then fade completely.

Costumes

David John Halliday

These are my costumes for the performance, it’s basically one outfit with extras on top to show different characters. I’ve also got the signs I use in some of the pictures so you can see what each section is about.

I start like this.

Then I’m seating to a taxi driver so I put on a cap so the audience realise it’s a different person.

 

From the taxi I move to the train station, where I pull a member of the audience up. I make it look like we’re drinking coffee.

Then from the man in the train station I become a female hairdresser.

The final character is a doctor where I’m just using a simple jacket.

After this I return to the opening outfit and remove all the accessories. The reason behind such miminal costume is that I want to demonstrate that these characters could be anyone. I love the Tshirt reading ‘banter’ because originally I was going to get a plain white Tshirt but seeing that one I just had to buy it.

 

 

 

 

 

Signs Practice

David John Halliday

At the end of my performance I turn around the signs I have. I don’t really need to practise this but I made a little video with the music I had. Hopefully it is clear that I’m saying we make our lives too busy, too full (the metaphor used being conversation) and that we need to take time to listen more or slow down and just think. This is why I made these clever signs to show the audience. Enjoy the video and comment! To hear the whole track I’m using click here.

Rehearsal

David John Halliday

I was just running through my piece while in the LPAC studios and set up my space how I wanted it. Unfortunately I was alone so couldn’t get images of myself but I liked how the space was set up so I took some pictures of that.

I’m picking up my dissertation tomorrow and still working on my other piece so thinking about that more at the moment; to follow my diary click here and read more.

 

Signs

David John Halliday

I’ve printed a load of signs today for my performance so I thought I’d put a picture of them up.

I also printed my programme which I wanted to do in colour but it was too expensive so I have the example in colour here but on the day it shall be in black and white.

 

 

 

Sounds

David John Halliday

If you’re  following my diary you’ll know that I’ve made a CD with the sounds I’m using. I was so proud that I decided to show my housemate and then came up with the idea of filming my presentation to him so I could put it on here. I must apologise to my Mum and for some of the language as you may mind it offensive.

 

I should just explain better all the religious references in my piece because I didn’t in these videos. I suppose I’ve put so many in becasuse religion is one way people find peace but it can also add stress to our lives. Plus, in the world today there are less religious people and there’s more questioning of “why do you bother going to church?” I mean people see church goers as bible bashing bores but I go to Church and it helps me find a moment in the week where I forget worries but I don’t think I’m boring. I hope not anyway because I do find other ways to relax too like a drink or being with friends. Anyway the whole point is people should take more time to forget stress, work and so on and just enjoy life because it’s too short!

New Script

David John Halliday

I wrote a new script during my week off. It is based on the old script still has the same concept but it’s simpler. I want to post it here but at the same time I don’t want people to read as it’d ruin the performance. I love my little script as it is only ten minutes long as required but it could be extended to include more conversations or could just be run in a continuous loop as the first speech of the piece is a response to the last speech of the piece. I know that sounds complicated but I basically mean that the character at the start is responding to the character at the end. The whole performance is about seizing the day; ‘You Talk Too Much’ and by using conversation of random items like hairdressers is a metaphor of how we fill our lives with rubbish. We literally talk too much and should take more time to listen. This is why I’m having signs at the start that read, “Life is full of talk”, and at the end of the piece I turn these round to read, “Do you take time to listen?”

My script in progress

David John Halliday

This is part of my script; I pretty much have it all finished and am happy with it. I just need to do some rehearsal time now and work shop it. I’m only letting out some of the script as I want you to come and see the performance. If you’ve been following my other posts and diary you’ll know my focus is about conversations; though the audience only hears one part of the conversation at a time, one person speaking. You will see the conversations in full in the script – two people talking – this is because I need to learn both sides so I can leave the appropriate pauses and natural reactions. In the actual performance there will only be one character on stage speaking their side of the conversation. So, here it is – let me know your thoughts.  The dialogue is based on real conversation that I’ve either been part of or overheard.

THIS IS THE OPENING

Stage is set up with two rectangles on the floor, each with a chair in that faces towards the other. By each chair is a sign which reads, “Life is full of talk”; although they can’t be seen until the lights come up as the Stage is in darkness and VOICEOVER comes up

V/O:(Pause) Ah! Silence (pause) isn’t it wonderful?

You know in the world today there’s so much talking and communication.

(Humdrum noise of voices talking)

Through social networks we tell each other everything – there is always some noise in our world, some form of exchange.

(Voices get louder)

In life we meet so many people, whether its friends, interviews, colleagues at work, people in the street.

(Voices get louder)

Everyone wants attention

(Pause)

Some even say we do not listen to each other anymore; we’re too preoccupied by what we’re going to say next.

(Voices get louder)

Then there’s the media; 24 hour news always blaring, Television shows, Films and even a trip to the Theatre.

(Noises cut out)

Ah! Silence (pause) isn’t it wonderful?

(Pause) Even the Bible begins with silence,

Genesis 1 “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

And God said…”

(Pause) and the noises of the World have never stopped since.

V/O out and Lights up on section one

MAN:(upset, heavy breaths as though trying to control himself before

 he begins)

I don’t know what to say…

(laughs sadly) sorry…

It’s not fair… I mean…

(pause and he sighs)

Can’t we…? I just…

I don’t know what to say…

Slow cross fade as lights out on section one while lights come up on section two, the radio is playing. Only the person in bold speaks

HAIRDRESSER: Have you been offered a drink?

 PERSON: Yes thank, I’m fine. 

HAIRDRESSER: Okay, so what are we doing today?

PERSON: Well, just a trim to the front, then shorter at the back and like moving it into the front.

HAIRDRESSER: Right, what about round the ears?

PERSON: Erm… well I hate my ears, so try to keep them covered as the length comes through?

HAIRDRESSER: Yeah, I can do that. Did you want a drink by the way?

PERSON: No, honestly I’m fine.

(A long pause)

So… have you been busy here?

HAIRDRESSER: Not really, like we were busy over Christmas and New Year so in a bit of a lull now – you know?

PERSON: Yeah…

(Pause)

Did you have a good Christmas and New Year?

HAIRDRESSER: Yeah, was really good! Like spent Christmas day with my boyfriend and then boxing went m’ mums. New Year just went out and had a few, you know? (Pause) Did you do anything for New Year…?

PERSON: Yeah, well I have a house in Lincoln, so took some mates there for New Year and we just went round town.

HAIRDRESSER: Oh, why you got a house in Lincoln?

PERSON: Oh I go to Uni there?

HAIRDRESSER: Oh, you’re a student! Bet that’s good…

PERSON: Yeah, it’s alright – do drama so, yeah it’s okay…

(Long pause)

Ha! Weathers a bit bad today ain’t it?

HAIRDRESSER: Yeah, was really foggy when I was driving in and it looks like it’s going absolutely pee it down! Can’t wait for summer me…

– LATER ON IN THE PIECE –

Performer changes into a CHAV appearance. Audio of a bus coming towards Performer who flags it down, bus brakes and the door noise is heard. Performer climbs on. Only bold speech is being spoken

CHAV: What?! I is only 15 – I’m not paying that. (Pause) what you mean I.D? I’m 15 I don’t have none – can’t believe you don’t believe me. (Pause) Fine! I’ll pay, here… urh! 

CHAV makes his way into section two as walking down bus and reaches chair with doll in it, the light fades out in section one.

CHAV:  Er… that’s my seat get out of it. (Throws doll out of chair and sits, looks at audience as other members on the bus)

Yeah, what you all looking at.

(Looks at person next to him)

Hmm!?

POSH: Nothing, I wasn’t looking at anything.

CHAV: Yeah best not bin! What are you gay?

POSH: No, I’m not… gay.

CHAV: Yeah best not be, don’t want some perv by me.

(Pause)

My god this bus driver is such a bell end!

POSH: (pause) Erm… yeah does seem to be talking these turns quickly (laughs)

CHAV: What you on about!? I meant coz he wouldn’t let me on for the under 16 price, charged me full price!

POSH: That’s a shame, are you under 16?

CHAV: NO!

POSH: (long pause) Are you getting off at the next stop?

CHAV: No, why you want to follow me home pedo?

POSH: No, I am though so can you let me out?

CHAV: YEH! (Slightly moves)

POSH: (Rings bell and attempts to climbs over CHAV, once out) Thanks.

There is a lot more happening in this performance and you will see both sides of the conversation at some point but I dont want to give too much away.

 

New Performance Idea

David John Halliday

It’s a very simple idea, the performance is about conversations – conversations that I have either been in or overheard. It will work with me playing both sides of the conversation so first the audience hears one persons responses and then the other persons responses and they have to fuse the two together in their heads. It will be quite a complicated performance to follow but the message behind it is that the world is full of talk, when we talk we’re not listening but thinking of what we’re going to say and we need to take some time to listen – do you really listen? I’m in the process of writing the script – well I have a complete draft that I’m showing to my tutor this coming Monday (12th); so after then I shall post a copy here. I’m also going to be looking into the psychology of talking and some other research, so keep an eye out for that.

I will be starting my rehearsal and workshopping soon so I’ll have some videos and photos to add soon. I just need to finalise the skeleton of the piece so I can work on it. Any thoughts about this idea or conversation in general are welcome.

Work Idea – 27th Feb ’12

David John Halliday

Moving on from my previous ideas of interior monologue I began thinking about procastination; something I’m sure we’ve all experienced at some point in our lives – whether making a cup of tea before doing work, suddenly deciding to sort that mess that was your room or inviting the Jehovahs Witness’ that you usually turn away in for tea. I’m sure none of us have gone to the extremes of the last one.

There’s another example above; me talking about procrastination rather than telling you my idea.

This idea stems from the last Work Idea – 24th Feb ’12 where I was discussing walking on stage as though I had nothing prepared and presenting my interior monologue. Instead though I would appear onstage as though I’m sat in my room trying to write my script and a number of other things keep coming up – starting small like fetching a drink and then going into the realms of the surreal; for example I imagine my desk chair is a piano and start to play it while at the same time the audio of a piano comes up. These small segments would end with me showing what I have written on my pad, “Did you enjoy the show?”

Quite a Brechtian and imaginative piece which I’m interested in exploring. Hopefully you can see how my work is developing though so please comment and let me know what you think.

Work Idea 24th Feb ’12

David John Halliday

This is an idea I had for my performance – you have to bear with me though as here I’m tracking the develoement of an idea.

The idea began with me walking on to the stage, a microphone set up and nothing prepare; I began my saying “Ladies and Gentlemen….” then nothing. What would follow is a voiceover of my interior monologue and me reacting to it.

Example,

“I’ve do nothing prepared what do I do? da da da da!” (stripping music) I begin to dance, “No, can’t do that!” stands still again.

That was where I began, from that I thought that I could create an inner conscious – sort of like little people running my body. So, in a similar way I would walk on stage and do to set the microhone to the right level and as I lean to raise the mic my head is next to it and you hear voices.  This type of thing has been done before and if you take a look at my research section you can find an example by Britanick comedy group.

Those were the two ideas I was thinking along the lines of; which would need expanding to fill ten minutes.

 

Work created 6th Feb ’12

David John Halliday

This was part of an exercise in class; the aim was to aid the flow of our imagination. All we had to do is write a short, abstract, none narrative event and then introduce a person to it. Then, we gave our work to someone else – in this case Jonathan Youl – who had to continue the piece. Finally, once the other person had added to the piece, we had to add in text. Here is what I created; please let me know what you think and the part in italics is what Jonathan contributed. When giving feedback, please consider that this is a piece about atmosphere so let me know what you thought/felt.

 

UNTITLED

 

Black out on stage. A single white spotlight from directly above with a sharp edge fades up over a stool which is centre stage. The curtains draw in to frame the stool and a single violin begins to play a slow, sad melody.

After 20 seconds the sharp edge of the spot fades to a soft edge and the music continues.

After another 20 seconds a woman in the audience stands and slowly makes her way to the stage; when she reaches the stool she sits on it. She looks round the audience once and begins to cry. 

The music continues for another 30 seconds and then the curtains close fully.

(JY) The woman’s head appears through the curtain and she looks around as though she knows the audience. She draws back behind the curtain and begins to sing. The curtains reopen and the woman is seen pacing singing the Monty Python song,

“I wonder which way a fish did go…”

She pauses and runs off stage. The clattering of metal is heard and she enters back onto the stage with a salmon.

She stands holding the fish, presenting it to the audience and the curtains close.

A Bible quote is projected onto the curtains – it reads,

“I will make you fishers of men”,

 

Work meant to be presented on 30th Jan ’12

David John Halliday

We were set the task of extending the autobiographical performance we had created the previous week and told to include a seeming non sequitar. I did create the work, which you can see below,  but it agrieves me to say I miss my chance to perform it – though my own fault. Please enjoy it and let me know what you think; I hope to eventually perform it so I can write about the feedback I received.

TSUNAMI IN STOKE-ON-TRENT

The story I’m about to tell you is called, “Tsunami in Stoke-on-Trent”;

For those that don’t know the dictionary definition of Tsunami is…

 

A large destructive ocean wave caused by an underwater earthquake or another movement of the Earth’s surface

 

This story is about myself and my friend Daniel Phillips and the first thing you need to understand is that Stoke is completely landlocked; the only water found is the River Trent which run through; hence why it’s cleverly called Stoke-on-Trent.

 

The next is about Dan himself;

 

Male, 22 – recently started his third first year at University and roughly 5 ft 7. Dan and I have been friends since our first Theatre Studies class in college, six years ago, where at the end of our first class when I hadn’t even spoken to him he came over and said “Hey, would you like to be in a film with me?”

 

I had to reply, “What kind of film were you thinking?”

 

 “Not like that! Not like that!” He laughed off in his grrrrr, manly I AM STRAIGHT way. However I had to tease him about that throughout our first year at college.  

 

The next is the sort of humour we share; it can be quite dark and cruel. For example when being shown the beautiful scene from the Elephant Man where he turns to the lady and says; “Would you like to see a picture of my mother?” Dan and I created many other lines such as; “Would you like to see a picture of my mother? She’s also my half sister…” And there were worse. This line “would you like to see a picture of my mother” became a common phrase. For example, (hold up picture of Maggie Thatcher) If we saw a not so attractive girl instead of saying something cruel like fugly, we’d subtly act like her and say the line. It even became a common greeting.

 

Until, after one night where I was meeting Dan to go the cinema and I was walking down the road where the Tsunami occurred. Dan saw me coming towards him when he was stood by a pub, a perfectly square pub with two windows on each side so if you stood on one side you could see diagonally through two windows. What a great chance! Dan thought to use the line and jump out on me. He waited, saw me and jumped onto my back and said “would you like to see a picture of my mother!?” and burst out laughing hitting my back.

 

Unfortunately that laughter soon stopped when he looked at my face and was shocked to see that I had a great big bushy beard and was not me at all but he had jumped on to a stranger. He was lucky not to be hit, the gentleman just as shocked as Dan walked away then turned round and called back “fucking freak”.

 

“Fucking freak” was to replace the old phrase as well as “great big bushy beard” because we did get to the cinema that night and it was to see Hot Fuzz where that line is said. But you see it had rained that fateful night where Dan had attacked a man with pictures of his mother. When he met me further up the road he walked past me as I’d not said hello too shocked by his pale white features. I had to turn and call him back; he saw me and relief swept his face. He started to recount the tale, but as I said it had rained that fateful night and by the road was a rather large puddle, stretching the length of this studio two and covering most the road. Stoke – shithole of England with terrible drains obviously. Dan is still shell shocked and explaining his story and we’re stood on the pavement half way along the length of the puddle when I see a lorry coming towards us doing about 40.

 

It hits the puddles and I see a wave of water rise and thunder onto the pavement, Dan’s looking the other way and doesn’t see what I’m seeing – in slow motion that is – I grab him and shout “ruuuuuuuuuuun!” Him not knowing why I’m dragging him running looks behind and sees the mound of water heading our way. His face turns ashen and he goes “urrrghh” which was his scream in slow motion. But we ran as fast as we could, the water pounding behind us and we can see the end of the puddle. If only we can…. we hurdle the last stretch and are safe. The water dripping from everywhere is settling back but we are safe and dry. And that is the only time there has been a Tsunami in Stoke-on-Trent.

Work Presented 23rd Jan ’12

David John Halliday

I was given the task of presenting a story from my life and this is what I created; though before you read it I would like you to imagine you are in a nursery, sat on the floor being read to. For those who know the Lincoln University Campus think about the Library bar as it is now because that is where I would like to read the story but obviously for 16 yr olds and upwards not the current occupants. For those who don’t know, the Library was a student bar in 2009/10 but was closed and turned into a nursery. This is why I would like to use it as a performance space for the typical pub story below which should be read as though by a school teacher. I hope you enjoy it and please leave comments.

TSUNAMI IN STOKE-ON-TRENT

The story I’m about to tell you is called, “Tsunami in Stoke-on-Trent”; which involves myself and my very good friend Daniel Phillips. Now, I could be telling you about my Two Ronnie moment after last week’s lesson when I went into my corner shop and asked for four packs of AAA batteries; to which the shop keeper put one set of four on the counter and I said yes those are the type – I need four packs… to which he gestures to the pack, smiles and says four.

 But that tale will have to be for another day as it is much too short so back to the Tsunami in Stoke-on-Trent. The first thing you need to know is that Stoke is completely landlocked; the only water we have is the River Trent running through hence why we cleverly call ourselves Stoke-on-Trent with dashes and everything.

The next is about Dan himself; we’ve been friends since our first Theatre Studies class in college; six years ago. Where at the end of our first class when I hadn’t even spoken to him at all he came over and said “Hey, would you like to be in a film with me?”I had to reply, “What kind of film were you thinking?” He laughed and meant not like that – cause he’s a real straight GRRRR man – but I had to tease him about it for the rest of the year about how he asked me to star in his movies… needless to say no film was ever made but Dan and I are still firm friends.

The next is the sort of humour we share; it can be quite dark and cruel. For example when being shown the beautiful scene from the Elephant Man where he turns to the lady and says; “Would you like to see a picture of my mother?” Dan and I created many other lines such as; “Would you like to see a picture of my mother? She’s also my half sister…” And there were worse. This line “would you like to see a picture of my mother” became a common phrase. If we saw a not so attractive girl instead of saying something cruel like fugly, we’d subtly act like her and say the line. It even became a common greeting.

Until, after one night where I was meeting Dan to go the cinema and I was walking down the road where the Tsunami occurred. Dan saw me coming towards him when he was stood by a pub, a perfectly square pub with two windows so if you stood on one side you could see diagonally through two windows. What a great chance! Dan thought to use the line and jump out on me. He waited, saw me and jumped onto my back and said “would you like to see a picture of my mother!?” and burst out laughing hitting my back. Unfortunately that laughter soon stopped when he looked at my face and was shocked to see that I had a great big bushy beard and was not me at all but he had jumped on to a stranger. He was lucky not to be hit, the gentleman just as shocked as Dan walked away then turned round and called back “fucking freak”.

“Fucking freak” was to replace the old phrase as well as “great big bushy beard” because we did get to the cinema that night and it was to see Hot Fuzz where that line is said. But you see it had rained that fateful night where Dan had attacked a man with pictures of his mother. When he met me further up the road he walked past me as I’d not said hello too shocked by his pale white features. I had to turn and call him back; he saw me and relief swept his face. He started to recount the tale, but as I said it had rained that fateful night and by the road was a rather large puddle, stretching the length of this studio two and covering most the road. Stoke – shithole of England with terrible drains obviously. Dan is still shell shocked and explaining his story and we’re stood on the pavement half way along the length of the puddle when I see a lorry coming towards us doing about 40.

It hits the puddles and I see a wave of water rise and thunder onto the pavement, Dan’s looking the other way and doesn’t see what I’m seeing – in slow motion that is – I grab him and shout “ruuuuuuuuuuun!” Him not knowing why I’m dragging him running looks behind and sees the mound of water heading our way. His face turns ashen and he goes “urrrghh” which was his scream in slow motion. But we ran as fast as we could, the water pounding behind us and we can see the end of the puddle. If only we can…. we hurdle the last stretch and are safe. The water dripping from everywhere is settling back but we are safe and dry. And that is the only time there has been a Tsunami in Stoke-on-Trent.